SEX AND THE SOBRIETY: My first sober lesbian encounter

Hey, Dahls. Have you ever thought about the connection between alcohol and sexuality? As the title reads, I have NEVER had a sexual experience with a woman that didn't involve me being verge of blacking out - until recently- and I've been with quite a few women. My experiences with men is a completely different story mainly because I am a completelyl different person when I’m with them. Insecurities? Never heard of her. Inferiority complex? As if! I'm much more confident— almost to the point of invincibility with a touch of a God complex. 

 Allow me to share my personal experience that led me to a deeper understanding between sobriety and sexuality. It all started with a life-altering encounter at a sex party in Cannes a couple of weeks ago. This moment opened my eyes to the power of intentional connections. Up until then, I realized I had never had a sober sexual experience with a woman. 

For years, alcohol had been a huge part of my relationships, often clouding my ability to fully connect with myself and others. Most of the reckless decisions, hookups, and just about everything else involved me getting absolutely plastered. Growing up with severe childhood trauma, I turned to alcohol and drugs as a way to self-soothe and forget. It was like sipping a cocktail of shame, disconnection, and vulnerability, mixed with memory loss. For over a decade, I was stuck in this haze, completely out of touch with my emotions and self.

But then came a turning point—a sober encounter.

Meeting Amelia 

 Fast forward to a luxurious pool party in Cannes, held in a $350 million villa, with breathtaking views and even more stunning guests. This pool party was pre-game mixer to mingle and connect before the real fun starts in the next evening.

 The air buzzed with anticipation for the Moulin Rouge-themed party. The big day where people could indulge their desires freely, connecting and bonding with either their partners or someone new. Shibari demonstrations, sensual encounters, and a squirt station were just a few of the activities planned. The pool party was great! It was certainly feast for the eyes and almost a sensory overload, but despite all the excitement, I was committed to experiencing everything with a sober mind.

  Ok, so I did decide to have 1 glass of champagne, and as I was standing at the bar waiting for my drink,  I spotted a striking woman whom we’ll call Amelia. She reminded me of Sarah Paulson—tall, angelic with an effortlessly chic, textured platinum blonde bob. She had a very soulful and intentional vibe that really resonated with me. We started talking and quickly discovered that we shared similar backgrounds, including growing up in a cult environment. This commonality created a tangible bond between us, something I hadn’t experienced in a long time, if ever. We connected deeply, sharing our healing journeys and the challenges we faced growing up. We eventually split up to mingle with the rest of the group but I still felt our interaction lingering like tiny electric sparks in the back of my mind. I hoped I would run into them again at the party the next night.

On the night of the party.

 I was feeling a little a little anxious there was a lot going on ( as you can imagine) every room I walked in to, there was either an 10-person orgy, someone engaged in a shibari session  or another person on there hands and knees being used as human furniture. Everywhere I went the air was filled with moans, and laughter mixed with faint vibe music. All of my favorite sounds artfully swirled in one. After aimlessly walking around for a bit, taking everything in, I decide to go to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I turn to my left and immediately lock eyes with Amelia. The way she looked at me make me feel like she was caressing  a piece of my soul. We exchanged pleasantries and she invited me upstairs to a women-only area which was located on of the many balconies of this villa. As she took my hand and led me up the stairs, my heart was practically beating out of my chest—I thought I was about to faint. There we were, on the balcony with a fireplace right next to the couch we lied upon ( very romantic btw.). We kissed, she began to go down on me. The flames emitting from the fireplace -almost a bit too hot- was pleasantly caressing my thighs in the same rhythm as her hand around my waist… I was in heaven and found myself silently thanking my inner self for not getting drunk.

I couldn't believe that for the first time, I was really having an intentional lesbian experience!  I was fully present in the moment, but then all of a sudden, my anxiety kicked in and I felt this huge wave of shame and insecurity wash over me. My mind raced with thoughts—do I smell okay? Was she enjoying this? In the past, I had used alcohol to suppress these feelings of vulnerability and insecurity, but now I had to face them head-on.

I also realized I’ve always struggled being the receiver when it came to women. It made me uncomfortable and if I'm honest, women terrify me.  Terrified of their judgment in a much different way than I am with men. I'm pretty sure it's unresolved mommy issues or something. My way of shifting this was taking control and being the pleasure giver. In fact, I have never let a woman perform oral on me before this.

Overwhelmed by the moment, I stopped her and once again shifted the focus to pleasing her instead. Even then, I felt self-conscious, doubting my abilities. Although I love women and being with them, I realized I wasn’t as confident as I thought.

Afterward, she got dressed, we talked briefly, and I didn’t see her again for the rest of my time in Cannes. But the experience stuck with me. It shattered my old beliefs about intimacy and vulnerability when it came to women.  I had been using sex to deflect attention away from my deeper issues, still connected to my past in ways I hadn’t realized. This encounter showed me that sobriety and intimacy are deeply intertwined, and both are essential for building healthy, meaningful relationships. I did play with another  woman and then a married couple later that night. This time was different than most since I was sober… and it was lovely because I made genuine connections. 

Looking ahead, I’m excited to continue this journey of healing. I want to form more intentional, genuine connections—with myself, with women, and with my own sexuality. This is my path, and I’m ready to evolve into a better, more authentic version of myself.